How many times and how many people have asked me to change, I know I don’t even want to count. But I never really thought about it, I never felt the urge to change myself. Maybe I was waiting for me to really want to change. I had a huge argument with my friends the other day and one of my friends kept insisting that you should expand your horizons and try everything that you are exposed to and believe that you can do anything you decide to. Well I definitely believe that, I can do anything I decide to but I need some motivation on personal front. I need to want it and not forced because of any other reason. I tried to explain him but I guess my thoughts weren’t channelized properly for me to express them.
Now I think I can explain him. As a matter of fact I am a very quiet person. I don’t usually get into arguments and even if I do get I don’t place my argument assertively. I accept it that I am not an aggressive person. And that people need to be in this world. Because of my nature of times it happened that I was not recognized for the work I did. It did hurt but I never bothered, because I love myself and I treasured my personality. I think too much of what or how others will feel if I tend to cross them. Of course in that process I am at loss, well if not always then most of the times. But what can I do, people don’t know but I am quite of a rebel inside. Whenever anyone tells me or rather sort of orders me to do a thing I feel the urge to do exactly the opposite. Well I guess one might consider it childish but never the less it is part of what I am.
But apart from these traits I never to anything I don’t want to. And that’s the reason I never thought of coming out of my shell, oh yes I am a typical Cancerian and I have to tell you shell is the coziest place for us :) . Let’s get at the crux of the situation - why now suddenly think of changing myself? Because now I want to. Well it took a long time for me to come to this point. And I definitely owe those who expected me change , to explain this. I will consider myself pretty fortunate to have worked with Mike Hall. Yes he is by far and I think will be in future the best manager I have ever worked with. I had this small talk with him and guess what it did make me want to change. It was like that, 70 min dialogue from chak de, which made me realize or rather made me want to change. One might wonder why so much want to stuff. But that’s what I want to tell, I always knew that I need to talk more need to express more and be more aggressive but I never wanted to. And now I want to.
I hope sathish will understand it :) . I want to get out of my shell and tell the world, hey I can do it. Well I always did it and found it annoying to let others know that I did it. But well if that’s the to make yourself noticed then so be it . Uh it will take lot of effort but I will do my best. So lets ride on the wave of change.
