Well it has been pretty long since I wrote anything, guess life has been busy, didn’t even realize. I am a rather bad analyzer but I thought of pouring my thoughts in the blog so I would understand them better. I believe every person is different and so am I. Before everyone gets me wrong let me explain. It’s not about complicated heart but more about complicated mind and thoughts. I thought it would be a good title after MLTR complicated heart :).
I wonder why my thoughts contradict with each other. One moment I feel positive and the next moment my mind wanders away searching for the negative side. People who are actually close to me consider me a good person and of course I am :). I mean I am not a person who would plan to hurt someone or who would purposely wish anyone harm. But I do have conflicting thoughts about people who are not compatible with me or much rather opposite wavelength than mine. It so happened recently that I was a part of a heated argument. And I was truly against a person, a role which I always shy away from. Losing my temper isn’t in me but I ended up shouting in the argument.
But I couldn’t help then. So I thought of letting it go. I am pretty good at ignoring such things but sometimes it sticks to your mind like glue, you just can’t get rid of it. And that’s what happened. Again this wasn’t an issue; the problem was of mixed emotions. Because I know that person, I know why he or she acted like that and part of my mind was ready to forgive / forget everything. To give him / her opportunity to grow out of their mistakes but somewhere this cruel little thought crept out of my mind. To let that the person suffer and make him / her realize that they were at fault. I follow a simple rule: if I can help a person realize their mistake without them facing the repercussions then I will go for it. I prefer people not following the mistakes I did or I have seen others doing.
I hate the dilemma thing. I know I don’t want the person to suffer but sometimes you should let them fall in order to make them realize. Every time I think about this I judge myself and find myself guilty. Guilty of not doing the right thing, guilty of not being ideal. I know many might consider this petty thing to even think about. So, I have a complicated mind. I am planning to help myself out of it by developing a more positive attitude and improving myself in forgiving others. Oh god does it indicate I need to go for an art of living course. Hmmm, well I am not a spiritual person and I definitely can’t keep quiet for a day. Nothing against people who believe in it but guess it’s not for me. My friends already complain I talk less and I don’t want to give them another reason. So then I will find a way to reach this “ideal myself” in my own pace and way… ha ha complicated me.
I wonder why my thoughts contradict with each other. One moment I feel positive and the next moment my mind wanders away searching for the negative side. People who are actually close to me consider me a good person and of course I am :). I mean I am not a person who would plan to hurt someone or who would purposely wish anyone harm. But I do have conflicting thoughts about people who are not compatible with me or much rather opposite wavelength than mine. It so happened recently that I was a part of a heated argument. And I was truly against a person, a role which I always shy away from. Losing my temper isn’t in me but I ended up shouting in the argument.
But I couldn’t help then. So I thought of letting it go. I am pretty good at ignoring such things but sometimes it sticks to your mind like glue, you just can’t get rid of it. And that’s what happened. Again this wasn’t an issue; the problem was of mixed emotions. Because I know that person, I know why he or she acted like that and part of my mind was ready to forgive / forget everything. To give him / her opportunity to grow out of their mistakes but somewhere this cruel little thought crept out of my mind. To let that the person suffer and make him / her realize that they were at fault. I follow a simple rule: if I can help a person realize their mistake without them facing the repercussions then I will go for it. I prefer people not following the mistakes I did or I have seen others doing.
I hate the dilemma thing. I know I don’t want the person to suffer but sometimes you should let them fall in order to make them realize. Every time I think about this I judge myself and find myself guilty. Guilty of not doing the right thing, guilty of not being ideal. I know many might consider this petty thing to even think about. So, I have a complicated mind. I am planning to help myself out of it by developing a more positive attitude and improving myself in forgiving others. Oh god does it indicate I need to go for an art of living course. Hmmm, well I am not a spiritual person and I definitely can’t keep quiet for a day. Nothing against people who believe in it but guess it’s not for me. My friends already complain I talk less and I don’t want to give them another reason. So then I will find a way to reach this “ideal myself” in my own pace and way… ha ha complicated me.
I love the way you write! so simple yet so meaningful and poignant!
ReplyDeletekeep up the good work :)